LAST BLOG ENTRY!

They way the one essays subtlely explains how relationships change a person, really gets the audience to relate.
The description of the feelings and surroundings allow the reader to picture the scence that is taking place in the story.
The dialoge used in the narratives allow the person to feel like they are right in the story with the writer and are experiencing the moment as well.
They don't come right out and say their point. The actual meaning of the story is interpretted by the reader by subtle clues left by the writer.
Hooks the reader by talking of a topic that all can somewhat relate to...relationships that don't work out exactly as planned.
Uses the scene of seeing the two kissing to make the reader feel sympathetic towards the writer.
Ends in a way that doesn't leave the reader hanging or left asking questions.


I NEED>>>
More dialog
More description
More creativity
Better organization
Less of coming right out and stating my point

Sources MLA Format

"Bad Effects From Smartphone or Handphone | Socyberty." Socyberty | Society on the Web. 22 Jan.

  2011. Web. 02 Aug. 2011. http://socyberty.com/issues/bad-effects-from-smartphone-or-handphone/.

 

Jones, Eleanor. "‘Smart’phones? How Our Devices Are Changing the Way We Think ZoomSafer." ZoomSafer Prevents Distracted Driving. 18 Oct. 2010. Web. 02 Aug. 2011. http://zoomsafer.com/buzz/blog/2508-2/.

 

"Smart Phones Social Impact On Society." Squidoo : Welcome to Squidoo. 2011. Web. 02 Aug. 2011.       http://www.squidoo.com/smart-phones-ruin-society.

 

I am evaluating smartphones as having a bad impact on our society.
-Growing dependency our society has on smartphones.
-Negative affects it has on family life.
-Risk of our society becoming introverted
-Affects on our brain and health

Resources:
#1: Talks about all three criteria backing up my claim. States how the family life is influenced by the smart phone and how people have stopped having normal conversations with people and instead are on the smartphones all the time.
http://www.squidoo.com/smart-phones-ruin-society

#2: States that dependency has lead to disconnective anxiety and also talks of how the brain can not think on a deeper level when we are constantly multitasking with our smartphones. Claims that people have connected more with their phones than with actual people.
http://zoomsafer.com/buzz/blog/2508-2/

#3: Lists the negative affects caused by smartphones. These affects included headaches and blurred vision and brain damage due to radiation. They also claim that lack of concentration is a bad affect caused by smartphones. Claim these phones are an addiction/obsession.
http://socyberty.com/issues/bad-effects-from-smartphone-or-handphone/

Peer Edit Narrative

The peer edits this past week really helped me when editing my final draft of my paper. The advice I recieved from my partner really helped. I was able to change parts in my narrative paper that either didn't fit or explained too much. I also added more dialog because my partner felt it would help my paper. I found that there are ways to be more clear without jeopardizing my writing by changing it completely. All I had to do was rearrange sentences to make them more clear and concrete. Also by reading my partner's paper i was able to see other ways to go about organizing my paper. I really like these peer edit days because they really help me as a writer and allow me to get an opinion of a person who would be reading my paper. I also like them because others can catch mistakes that I personally don't notice.

Dinner...a day late:(

As I entered the redifer commons with my friends I instantly felt the cool air conditioning cause goosebumps to rise over my skin. As we walked towards the buffet line the noise from students talking, plates and silverware clinking, and the tv show currently on filled my ears. After paying I got in line and waited for my turn to get my food. As I waited I could smell the food that awaited me. I smelled garlic and chicken and something I couldn't quite pick out. As the line moved up I grabbed a bowl and decided to get a salad. I mixed the crisp lettuce with some soft cheese, black olives, and topped it off with ceaser dressing. Moving forward I grabbed a piece of toasted garlic bread because the smell of it made my mouth water. Moving on I also got mini potatoes with red skin that were seasoned with thyme. I also grabbed green beans and the grilled chicken that is always served. As I sat down I realized I was really hungry and quickly began eating. I always start with the salad so i dugg right in. The lettuce crunched as i took my first bite. My mouth watered as the ceaser dressing hit my mouth along with the bitter taste of the olives. The potatoes tasted good but were a little dry and the chicken tasted a little burnt. The green beans were really good. They were nice and juicey yet still had a little crunch to them as you bit down. As we left I felt full and ready to sleep yet I knew i had to come back and type this....

FREEWRITE #3

One of my earliest memories would be when I went to Disney World for the first time. I was four when my mom and grandmother took me and my brothers to Disney World for the first time. I don't remeber the whole trip but a few incidents stick out in my mind. My mom and dad had just gotten a divorce, so my grandmother decided we needed a family vacation to help her get her mind off things. The main things I remember were one ride and one movie we saw. The one ride was some alien ride where you sat in a chair and a story plot was told of an alien escape. It kept going on and as it went on the chairs were made so that whatever happening you were feeling. For example, they said that the creature was right behind you and it felt like it was breathing on your neck or drooling on you. My mom didnt know the ride was going to be like that so she had to hold me down to keep me in my seat because i was so scared. The next memory of Disney I have is how my mom took us to see Terminator in 3D. I was so scared because the guy had knives for hands that were coming at me. I just kept taking on and off the glasses. That was one of my earliest memories of my experience in Disney World.

FREEWRITE #2

I have no idea what to write for the next ten minutes. I spend most of my time listening to music or reading books in my free time. I live for music and I love to read. I started reading just for fun in elementary school and have been ever since. My favorite types of books are nonfiction. If I had to choose a favorite author, I would choose Sarah Dessen. She writes young adult novels, mainly about love, which is surprising because I’m not some mushy person. I would say I just like the style of her writing and the way she builds her plots. In my music I like pretty much anything. The only two types of music I can’t stand are country and screamo music. I listen to music all the time: as I get ready in the morning, in the shower, in my car, doing homework, etc. I don’t know what I would do without music or books. I’m able to escape my hectic world with a good book or some good music.