LAST BLOG ENTRY!

They way the one essays subtlely explains how relationships change a person, really gets the audience to relate.
The description of the feelings and surroundings allow the reader to picture the scence that is taking place in the story.
The dialoge used in the narratives allow the person to feel like they are right in the story with the writer and are experiencing the moment as well.
They don't come right out and say their point. The actual meaning of the story is interpretted by the reader by subtle clues left by the writer.
Hooks the reader by talking of a topic that all can somewhat relate to...relationships that don't work out exactly as planned.
Uses the scene of seeing the two kissing to make the reader feel sympathetic towards the writer.
Ends in a way that doesn't leave the reader hanging or left asking questions.


I NEED>>>
More dialog
More description
More creativity
Better organization
Less of coming right out and stating my point

Sources MLA Format

"Bad Effects From Smartphone or Handphone | Socyberty." Socyberty | Society on the Web. 22 Jan.

  2011. Web. 02 Aug. 2011. http://socyberty.com/issues/bad-effects-from-smartphone-or-handphone/.

 

Jones, Eleanor. "‘Smart’phones? How Our Devices Are Changing the Way We Think ZoomSafer." ZoomSafer Prevents Distracted Driving. 18 Oct. 2010. Web. 02 Aug. 2011. http://zoomsafer.com/buzz/blog/2508-2/.

 

"Smart Phones Social Impact On Society." Squidoo : Welcome to Squidoo. 2011. Web. 02 Aug. 2011.       http://www.squidoo.com/smart-phones-ruin-society.

 

I am evaluating smartphones as having a bad impact on our society.
-Growing dependency our society has on smartphones.
-Negative affects it has on family life.
-Risk of our society becoming introverted
-Affects on our brain and health

Resources:
#1: Talks about all three criteria backing up my claim. States how the family life is influenced by the smart phone and how people have stopped having normal conversations with people and instead are on the smartphones all the time.
http://www.squidoo.com/smart-phones-ruin-society

#2: States that dependency has lead to disconnective anxiety and also talks of how the brain can not think on a deeper level when we are constantly multitasking with our smartphones. Claims that people have connected more with their phones than with actual people.
http://zoomsafer.com/buzz/blog/2508-2/

#3: Lists the negative affects caused by smartphones. These affects included headaches and blurred vision and brain damage due to radiation. They also claim that lack of concentration is a bad affect caused by smartphones. Claim these phones are an addiction/obsession.
http://socyberty.com/issues/bad-effects-from-smartphone-or-handphone/

Peer Edit Narrative

The peer edits this past week really helped me when editing my final draft of my paper. The advice I recieved from my partner really helped. I was able to change parts in my narrative paper that either didn't fit or explained too much. I also added more dialog because my partner felt it would help my paper. I found that there are ways to be more clear without jeopardizing my writing by changing it completely. All I had to do was rearrange sentences to make them more clear and concrete. Also by reading my partner's paper i was able to see other ways to go about organizing my paper. I really like these peer edit days because they really help me as a writer and allow me to get an opinion of a person who would be reading my paper. I also like them because others can catch mistakes that I personally don't notice.