LAST BLOG ENTRY!

They way the one essays subtlely explains how relationships change a person, really gets the audience to relate.
The description of the feelings and surroundings allow the reader to picture the scence that is taking place in the story.
The dialoge used in the narratives allow the person to feel like they are right in the story with the writer and are experiencing the moment as well.
They don't come right out and say their point. The actual meaning of the story is interpretted by the reader by subtle clues left by the writer.
Hooks the reader by talking of a topic that all can somewhat relate to...relationships that don't work out exactly as planned.
Uses the scene of seeing the two kissing to make the reader feel sympathetic towards the writer.
Ends in a way that doesn't leave the reader hanging or left asking questions.


I NEED>>>
More dialog
More description
More creativity
Better organization
Less of coming right out and stating my point

Sources MLA Format

"Bad Effects From Smartphone or Handphone | Socyberty." Socyberty | Society on the Web. 22 Jan.

  2011. Web. 02 Aug. 2011. http://socyberty.com/issues/bad-effects-from-smartphone-or-handphone/.

 

Jones, Eleanor. "‘Smart’phones? How Our Devices Are Changing the Way We Think ZoomSafer." ZoomSafer Prevents Distracted Driving. 18 Oct. 2010. Web. 02 Aug. 2011. http://zoomsafer.com/buzz/blog/2508-2/.

 

"Smart Phones Social Impact On Society." Squidoo : Welcome to Squidoo. 2011. Web. 02 Aug. 2011.       http://www.squidoo.com/smart-phones-ruin-society.

 

I am evaluating smartphones as having a bad impact on our society.
-Growing dependency our society has on smartphones.
-Negative affects it has on family life.
-Risk of our society becoming introverted
-Affects on our brain and health

Resources:
#1: Talks about all three criteria backing up my claim. States how the family life is influenced by the smart phone and how people have stopped having normal conversations with people and instead are on the smartphones all the time.
http://www.squidoo.com/smart-phones-ruin-society

#2: States that dependency has lead to disconnective anxiety and also talks of how the brain can not think on a deeper level when we are constantly multitasking with our smartphones. Claims that people have connected more with their phones than with actual people.
http://zoomsafer.com/buzz/blog/2508-2/

#3: Lists the negative affects caused by smartphones. These affects included headaches and blurred vision and brain damage due to radiation. They also claim that lack of concentration is a bad affect caused by smartphones. Claim these phones are an addiction/obsession.
http://socyberty.com/issues/bad-effects-from-smartphone-or-handphone/

Peer Edit Narrative

The peer edits this past week really helped me when editing my final draft of my paper. The advice I recieved from my partner really helped. I was able to change parts in my narrative paper that either didn't fit or explained too much. I also added more dialog because my partner felt it would help my paper. I found that there are ways to be more clear without jeopardizing my writing by changing it completely. All I had to do was rearrange sentences to make them more clear and concrete. Also by reading my partner's paper i was able to see other ways to go about organizing my paper. I really like these peer edit days because they really help me as a writer and allow me to get an opinion of a person who would be reading my paper. I also like them because others can catch mistakes that I personally don't notice.

Dinner...a day late:(

As I entered the redifer commons with my friends I instantly felt the cool air conditioning cause goosebumps to rise over my skin. As we walked towards the buffet line the noise from students talking, plates and silverware clinking, and the tv show currently on filled my ears. After paying I got in line and waited for my turn to get my food. As I waited I could smell the food that awaited me. I smelled garlic and chicken and something I couldn't quite pick out. As the line moved up I grabbed a bowl and decided to get a salad. I mixed the crisp lettuce with some soft cheese, black olives, and topped it off with ceaser dressing. Moving forward I grabbed a piece of toasted garlic bread because the smell of it made my mouth water. Moving on I also got mini potatoes with red skin that were seasoned with thyme. I also grabbed green beans and the grilled chicken that is always served. As I sat down I realized I was really hungry and quickly began eating. I always start with the salad so i dugg right in. The lettuce crunched as i took my first bite. My mouth watered as the ceaser dressing hit my mouth along with the bitter taste of the olives. The potatoes tasted good but were a little dry and the chicken tasted a little burnt. The green beans were really good. They were nice and juicey yet still had a little crunch to them as you bit down. As we left I felt full and ready to sleep yet I knew i had to come back and type this....

FREEWRITE #3

One of my earliest memories would be when I went to Disney World for the first time. I was four when my mom and grandmother took me and my brothers to Disney World for the first time. I don't remeber the whole trip but a few incidents stick out in my mind. My mom and dad had just gotten a divorce, so my grandmother decided we needed a family vacation to help her get her mind off things. The main things I remember were one ride and one movie we saw. The one ride was some alien ride where you sat in a chair and a story plot was told of an alien escape. It kept going on and as it went on the chairs were made so that whatever happening you were feeling. For example, they said that the creature was right behind you and it felt like it was breathing on your neck or drooling on you. My mom didnt know the ride was going to be like that so she had to hold me down to keep me in my seat because i was so scared. The next memory of Disney I have is how my mom took us to see Terminator in 3D. I was so scared because the guy had knives for hands that were coming at me. I just kept taking on and off the glasses. That was one of my earliest memories of my experience in Disney World.

FREEWRITE #2

I have no idea what to write for the next ten minutes. I spend most of my time listening to music or reading books in my free time. I live for music and I love to read. I started reading just for fun in elementary school and have been ever since. My favorite types of books are nonfiction. If I had to choose a favorite author, I would choose Sarah Dessen. She writes young adult novels, mainly about love, which is surprising because I’m not some mushy person. I would say I just like the style of her writing and the way she builds her plots. In my music I like pretty much anything. The only two types of music I can’t stand are country and screamo music. I listen to music all the time: as I get ready in the morning, in the shower, in my car, doing homework, etc. I don’t know what I would do without music or books. I’m able to escape my hectic world with a good book or some good music.

FREEWRITE #1

I was told I have to write a blog everyday this weekend for ten minutes so here I go…. I guess I can start out by using one of the suggested topics to write about such as the last time I was really happy. The last time I got really happy was when my best friend from home decided that she was going to come up and visit me this weekend. She had just told me two days before that she wasn’t going to be able to make it, yet her parents changed their minds and here she is. We’ve been friends since late tenth grade. At first I thought she was really weird but as the school year went on we noticed we got along really well. She is very different from me but somehow it works. We have completely different taste in music, a little different taste in style, and also in the type of guys we like. When we hang out we both get really goofy but if there’s something serious going on she is always the first person I talk to. We always give each other advice and are always honest with each other. Since I grew up with two older brothers I think of her as my sister. I don’t really know what else to write so  I’m just going to type for the last minute I have left and done…..

:Peer Edit take two

This peer edit was very helpful. I was able to see what mistakes I made and how I could fix them. I also was able to see how I could come across clearer to my audience. I need to explain some of my terms better. It was helpful to hear from a reader what they got out of my paper. I just need to work on my editing skills from now on and try to get a read into the papers deeper. I need to work on picking out mistakes. I need to also improve my writing and make sure I’m clear to my audience. I would like to work on making my point really well and trying to justify my claims better. Overall these kinds of classes really help.

"vanity thy name is metrosexual"

The author the article defines metrosexual as a straight man who cares about his looks, likes shopping and is sensitive and romantic. She then ties this into the bigger issue of pressure from the media and advertising.
What is at stake is the our perception of the world we live in today. This is clearly stated when she speaks of how far removed we have become with the real world.
She is very persuasive with the way she gives examples and flat out tells what is on her mind. This allows the reader to read it and get the point right away.

definition

stem cells are not alive..
alive is..
state of living
having thoughts and feelings
doing more than existing, having a purpose

peer edit meeting

    I found that the peer edit exercise really helped me with my paper. I find that it is easy to miss my own mistakes because when I read it often miss them. It was also good to hear the opinions of my paper and some suggestions to make my paper more clear. Some areas where I thought I was clear I found out that others did not. So I took those sections and tried to explain myself more. Also some of my sentences were vague and did not fit so I fixed all of those. For example those who edited my paper did not know what the Amethyst Initiative was and I had to go back and state what it was and what they were about. I also had to rearrange some of my sentences and fix some of my arguments where I thought I argued the point but I actually didn’t. I feel like the meeting went okay but I didn’t edit as much as I should have or in much detail. Now I feel like I have somewhat of an idea of what to look for next time. I also now realize some of the things or methods I should apply when writing my papers. I need to make sure my audience knows what I’m talking about and that my points come across clearly. I really liked the meetings because it gave me a chance to see my paper through the reader’s eyes and allow me to fix my mistakes before handing in a poorly written paper.

Rebuttal piece

I would like to do my rebuttal piece on The Drinking Age of 21 Saves livess by Toben F. Nelson, Traci L. Toomey and  coauthors. Page 556-557

Smalley vs. Drexler

• Drexler and Smalley each misunderstand eachother's concepst or refuse to acknowledge or change their ideas about nanotechnology and thier views on machinary and chemistry.
• Funding  for nanotechnology is at risk along with each of the scientist's credibility.
• Each use stratagies to refute the other side. They each go after the facts each presents, they use quotes to make each rubuttal seem trustworthy and the each treat the source fairly.
• Both Drexler and Smalley add to their ethos by suggesting and hinting towards the books they have written and the amount of time they have worked with this topic. They also talk of their past achievments such as creating the term "nanotechnology".
• One fallacy found was in Smalley's letter when he states,"If it is non-water-based life-form, then there is a vast area of chemistry that has eluded us for centuries". This is polarization because clearly there is not a vast area of chemistry that has eluded us, he is just exagerating and this shows when he follows with, " please tell us about this new chemistry". It is sort of a challange that isn't ment to be met.
• The letters by Smalley were more convincing because he explained everything well and called out Drexler in a manner that had the reader agreeing with him.

Rhetorical Analysis Piece

Part 1:
The piece I want to analyze is called "Organs For Sale", by Sally Satel, pages 447-454.

Part 2:
Textual:
1. Points out that she had made a speech...(genre)
2. Establishes Jordan's ethos by credibility and logos by stating her logic to use evidence against the president...(appeal)
3.Understands that the main claim Jordan wants is to impeach President Nixon beccause his actions go against the Constitution...(main claim)
Contextual:
1. Jordan uses her speech to argue that the president should be impeached in order to protect the Constitution...(author's purpose for writing the argument).
2.Her audience consisted of 34 members of the House Judiciary Committee...(who the audience is)
3.July of 1974, responding to the Watergate Scandal and Richard Nixon's pending impeachment...(when the arguement appeared and what her arguement responds to)

Textual: Formal style in the form of a speech
Contextual: Tries to invoke anger and a feeling of being decieved by the government or those of higher authority

Writing in the past...

My writing experiences in the past have gone fairly well. I wouldn't say I'm a bad writer; it just takes me some time to find motivation to actually write. I also feel like my writing needs improvement, I find myself rambling on or repeating myself. I'm shy about my writing and always feel I could've done better. In previous writing classes, I mostly did book reports or wrote my opinion on a certain given topic. In this class I would like to better my skills in writing and actually try to enjoy writing rather than just do it because I have to.